NAUSEOUS JUNK FIT FOR THE GODS

bear_in_spanish @ 2006-09-13T01:05:00

2006-09-13T08:18:46Z

Earlier today I decided to get off my but and look for a J-O-B. I'm thinking about applying for the computer lab on campus. Computers aren't my best friend and I usually fuck them up even further than they already are. But I'm desperate, DAMMIT ! The pay isn't that good, either. It's about $7 an hour, which is almost slave labor. But how else am I going to be able to pay for all the shit that I want to get but don't really need, strip?

bear_in_spanish @ 2006-09-12T10:31:00

2006-09-12T17:36:37Z

I've been thinking, am I allowed to say anything if my roomy doesn't take any showers??? Everyday, the smell seems to be getting worse. One day I look over at my sleeping roomy and the bottom of his feet were pitch black, kinda like adam sandler's foot was in the movie Mr. Deeds.

presentation today

2006-09-08T19:43:33Z

I'm literally having a panic attack over this first project. I have presentation today and I have to convince all these retards that I can tell a story through my drawings. I feel safe to say that I'm stuck with a bunch of retarded students with the exception of just a few who I think are cool. I'm trying not to think of what I'm going to say when I'm up on stage because the more I think about it, the more anxiety I feel. Well guys, wish me luck and hope that these retards buy my story.

bear_in_spanish @ 2006-09-05T22:56:00

2006-09-06T05:59:36Z

So I'm at the studio doin' time. I swear I'm one remark away from saying "to hell with this" and shooting my instructors for making me stay here.

Quote Of The Day

2006-08-31T18:13:53Z

"So many Mexicans have the same names that they should have 2 middle names to differentiate one from the other."

dorm life

2006-08-29T19:07:04Z

I bought my first computer yesterday. It's an apple macbook and it is awesome. I'm really excited that school started, and I'm really stoked about living the dorm life. Last night my roomy came back drunk as all hell. We briefly talked and some of my friends got caught by the R.A.,and were fined plus they have to write an essay about why they shouldn't drink at school. And so the adventures begin...

bear_in_spanish @ 2006-08-19T08:55:00

2006-08-19T16:10:30Z

I'm starting school in about a week. I'm actually looking forward to being late, not doing my homework and being reprimanded for criticizing the way an instructor chooses to teach during class time. This takes me back during my internship over at City Hall, where I sometimes chose not to show up for work every other week to enjoy a mini vacation, or not doing what I was asked to do by my 'soup'. But I'm looking forward to meeting new people on campus and hyper-analyzing their existence.

bear_in_spanish @ 2006-05-10T12:31:00

2006-05-10T19:56:50Z

This is me sitting on a golf cart and riding with a bunch of people on a golf cart. What you don' t know is that the little machine only holds about 4 people, there were 8 of us riding in a car. I took the picture thinking that it was going to show me hanging off the truck but the camera was too close.

Here are a couple of pictures that I took that thought were pretty interesting. Take a look:
+ =

bear_in_spanish @ 2006-04-25T10:30:00

2006-04-25T19:12:08Z

I finally took my girlfriend out to dinner with my family. We had thai food somewhere in downtown Los Angeles. The place was called OCHA (something something). The food was really good however, it was very unusual that the majority of the customers were hispanic, it was really bizarre. In some bizarre way, it felt like home. Anyway, the food was average price, and they gave you a crap-load. I gotta say that the fried won-ton was the best.

I was listening to my new xm radio and I heard that Interpol had a new song. Ummm, I think it was called SUPERSTITION, is that coming out in their new cd, hopefully soon ???

On probation

2006-04-04T17:03:22Z

I suppose that being a recent city employee has its perks. However, today I had the TALK with my boss. I've been missing work rather frequently and I was running out of reasons to not show up. So this morning my boss calls me into her office, basically saying that if I don't straighten up that I will be let go of. I couldn't say that I was in shock (because I wasn't) in fact, I was expecting it. Anyway, I curled my tail in between my legs and apologized, and that's when she lets out that I'm still on probation!

PROBATION??? I've been a city employee or 2 years and I'm expected to be on probation for an internship... That really upsets me. Still, I can't say that I'm in shock (because I'm not) because I was expecting it. Is it that I'm just lazy or tired of working when I SHOULD really be studying.

I failed my last Calc. exam, miserably. I did all the homework and studied the problems that I had the most dificult time with. The problems that I studied hard for were hard to miss on the test. My problem was that I failed to study the easy problems. I shouldn't say that I'm in shock (although I am) but I wasn't expecting that.

bear_in_spanish @ 2006-03-18T09:25:00

2006-03-18T17:26:55Z

I thought this shit was funny, so I decided to post it...

Neverland Ranch is no more!

2006-03-17T23:44:18Z

I don't believe it, Michael Jackson closes Neverland Ranch!!! Check it out...http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060317/ap_on_en_mu/people_jackson_neverland

ANY TAKERS ?

2006-03-14T23:05:34Z

Flavor Flav is back and looking for love again in season 2 of, "Flavor of Love"

MILLIONS of people tuned in to see "Flavor of Love" on Vh1 and the original Hip-Hop hype man is still looking for his soul mate.

When you were watching the show did you feel like you would make a better match with Flav? Are you single? This could be you!

Send us your: NAME, PHOTO, NUMBER to jcarollo@51minds.com.

Thanks and good luck!

Job location is Hollywood

Compensation: $100 day + fancy meals, hotel, and transportation

bear_in_spanish @ 2006-03-07T08:58:00

2006-03-07T17:30:24Z

This weekend I went to go see TransAmerica, and I must say that the movie was an awe-inspiring movie. Felicity Huffman role as "Bree", a pre-op transexual man who is determined to go through surgery to become a real woman, was such a convincing actress that her mannerisms and subtle movements, made me think that she was robbed from an oscar. Sure, Reese Witherspoon, did an awesome job with Joaquin Pheonix in Walk the LIne but I didn't think that she deserved it. Anyway, for those of you who didn't watch TransAmerica, I recommend that you do and you'll also agree that Felicity Hoffman deserved an oscar just the same.

DAY 3

2006-03-01T23:37:16Z

DAY 3 OF THE DIET IS FINALLY HERE! MY GIRLFRIEND IS VERY DISAPPOINTED BECAUSE SHE GAINED WEIGHT INSTEAD OF LOSING. DON'T ASK ME HOW THAT HAPPENED CAUSE I DON'T KNOW. HOWEVER, I WEIGHED MYSELF TODAY AND I'M 6LBS LIGHTER. SO THERE'S OPTIMISM IN STARVATION. ANYWAY, I'M NOT AS HUNGRY AS I WAS YESTERDAY, PROBABLY BECAUSE MY STOMACH SHRANK. ANYWAY, I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS; DON'T DO THIS DIET UNLESS YOU HAVE A STRONG WILL.

DAY 2

2006-02-28T20:48:23Z

I just had 6 saltine crackers, and a slice of bread, 1 diet dr.pepper, and water. I must be losing my freakin' mind for trying this diet. Yesterday, for the first time, I had beets. beets. BEETS! I had 1 cup of beets, a cup of string beans, and 3 ounces of chicken. 3 ounces. 3 OUNCES!!! I can't function like this! Everything looks like food to me. And everything that I didn't like to eat, sounds pretty good to me right about now. I'm at work, at the office, trying to take my mind off of food. I can tell you right now that I'm looking forward to the ice cream this evening.

WHAT THE FUCK?

2006-02-22T18:03:05Z

I've just been a witness to an outrageous predicament. I'm at The Office working with the other intern. There's nothing really to keep me occupied except for reviewing the work of one of the interims that use to work at the planning department. As I'm working, the other intern finds out that one of her powerpoint presentations is missing. She pointed out that she had worked very hard, and the file was nowhere to be found. AND GUESS WHAT HAPPENED NEXT ? My director asks me if I deleted her file from her folder. I quickly nodded "no". Even though I felt like I should have said "yes", I did nothing to her cpu or any of her files to have made it disappear. I knew that she felt frustrated, because it took her a couple of days to finish, but "it ain't my fault" that it was accidently deleted by someone else. She went around the office asking even the secretary of any foul play, no one knew anything. Anyway, I'm sitting in my office with everyone looking at me as if I tried to F*&K her. So, what do I do now ? The other intern is almost positive that it was me, but I didn't do anything to her shit.

bear_in_spanish @ 2006-02-21T12:35:00

2006-02-21T20:48:53Z

I never understood THE VAPORS lyrics to TURNING JAPANESE until now. After years of singing, and humming the song before I went to bed, I realized that the song was about a guy masterbating himself. Not that there's anything wrong with masterbating, but singing about it without realizing really disturbed me...

I'll never sing that song, again... Well, at least not in public.

bear_in_spanish @ 2006-02-17T16:01:00

2006-02-18T00:15:56Z

--HELLO, THIS IS (BLANK) AND THANKS FOR SIGNING UP FOR MYFICO SCORE DOT COM. HOW CAN I HELP YOU.
-YES, I WOULD LIKE TO CANCEL MY SUBSCRIPTION TO MYFICO.
--WHY ?
-BECAUSE YOUR FICO CALCULATORS, OR WHATEVER THE HELL YOU DO TO CALCULATE FICO SCORES IS GIVING ME A WRONG SCORE.
--ARE YOU NOT PLEASED WITH YOUR SCORE ?
-NO, IT WON'T GIVE ME ONE.
--LET ME GIVE YOU YOUR SCORE, WAIT JUST ONE MINUTE...
(ONE MINUTE PASSES)
-MY FICO SCORE IS WHAT ?
--689.
-CAN YOU ROUND IT OFF ?
--SURE, THERE YOU GO 690.
-NO, I MEANT ROUND IT OFF TO 700.
(SILENCE)...
--NO. YOU'RE 38% ABOVE THE PEOPLE THAT HAVE BAD FICO SCORES. YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
-WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ?
(SILENCE)...
CLICK!

PALETERO MAN

2006-02-17T22:04:02Z

For those of you that didn't know, I also work for a company that manufactures popsicles ! Not just any popsicle, all natural fruit popsicle. I make coconut, watermelon, strawberry cream, vanilla, chocolate... It's fun working as a driver delivering to distributors. It's something different from my regular snail-pace life. Maybe you've had some of these wonderful popsicles; how can you tell, you ask ? Well, all those little mexican men that push those little trucks down the street ringing their bells have the popsicles that I have worked so hard for. So if you see 'em, stop 'em, and buy one for $.50... At least that's how much they use to cost, now it's a dollar ! PLEASE, LET ME KEEP MY JOB! BUY MORE POPSICLES!

My roomie and I have no beer, we're broke, and our refrigerator is almost empty. All I see that's left is an opened arm & hammer baking soda box to keep the smell of garlic from burning the hairs out from under my nose! Keep us from starving, buy more ice cream from the paletero man!

bear_in_spanish @ 2006-02-15T15:34:00

2006-02-15T23:35:44Z

holy shit!

for all of you that don't know, there's a place in california named after a greek god! CITY OF HERCCULES!!

bear_in_spanish @ 2006-02-15T13:13:00

2006-02-15T22:05:26Z

So my girlfriend and I went to the toyota dealership to try to buy a car. I didn't know that new cars can be so expensive these days. So anyway, I had to force myself to haggle ofr the first time in my entire life. I almost got into a fist fight with one of the "sales reps", to be politically correct.

So my girlfriend and I decided to spend our Monday searching for a new car. After several weeks of narrowing her choices, she decides between the camry or the grand vitara, an SUV vs. a sedan. We go to the suzuki dealer to investigate this GRAND RETARDOmobile, and the only thing left to offer aside from a good deal was a good dick sucking by the "sales rep". They were desperately looking for someone to buy their car. They reminded me of the crack addict played by dave chappelle on his comedy the chappelle show. We felt sorry for the sales people, but we didn't want to get a car that might not last my gf through the year. So we tried to get some info on the car and its reliability. What I noticed was that salespeople lie to get their way; and here I thought lying car salesmen existed only in tv land. So I tried to talk the guy down to an affordable price (whatever that may be) but they weren't having it, they needed the money. In the end they tried to treat us like biaaatches by selling us a car that we didn't want and that didn't have any seat warmers.

Cars are very expensive these days, or is it that we're very cheap? Whatever it might be, it requires money being taken out of my wallet. After leaving the suzuki dealer, we went to a toyota dealership in fullerton. These suckers tried to sell me a car for $31000 or a car that is worth $22000. We test drove the camry and loved the way it handled and accelerated. Although the car was the top of the line in luxury, it didn't have seat warmers, which was a major issue when we were at the suzuki dealership. Although the luxury sedan was expensive, it is worth the money, or is it ?

So, I relaxed and told our salesperson to "crunch" some numbers for us. This is the first time that I ever had to haggle for a thirty-one thousand dollar car and we sat patiently waiting and listening to their offer which was, $31000. I yelled out, "WHAT?" and continued, "this car isn't worth this much!". Then he questioned my critical thinking skill by asking me, " ...if you have a business, are you working towards making money or losing?" and I replied "Are you trying to say that I'm stupid or somefin'?" I turned around to my gf and said, "Can you believe this fucker?" I wanted to tittie slap him. After being there for 4 hours I talked the guy down to $23750 and we drove off with a '06 camry. Fuckers

bear_in_spanish @ 2006-02-15T09:22:00

2006-02-15T17:27:11Z

Why is valentine's day important ?

bear_in_spanish @ 2006-02-08T10:50:00

2006-02-08T20:34:31Z

So I went to a birthday party this weekend with a friend that I knew since middle school. We drove in his new toaster all the way to Westwood where he goes to UCLA. We met up with some friends of his and we headed towards a surprise b-day party before we noticed that there were two people in a black and white car that started to follow us. Hector noticed that as he was driving that the 70-whatever year chevy impala without any light coming from the headlights. So there we were, a typical group of mexicans in an old rusted out chevy impala with no headlights, when the other car began to speed up with colored lights flashing above it. Then we realized that we weren't being followed by stalkers, they were the PO-LEEECE. I don't know why we were afraid of the police but we were. Hector felt that there was an impending doom caused by the car. He must have felt that he was being discriminated against or something.

We met up with Hector's two friends at their apartment. The apartment complex looked runned down and dirty but at an affordable rent and convenient location, close to UCLA. They looked like they had just moved in because there was stuff everywhere. They were two gay men, not couples, living together. They immediately took a liking towards me. We talked and they offered Hector and me something to drink. Well, the antisocial person that I could be, I decided to have a couple of shots of tequilla to loosen me up. A couple of shots turned into three doubles. At this point I was very relaxed.

So, we hit the road and headed to a little coffee shop to surprise the b-day girl. The police pulled us over for the obvious reason that the car's headlights didn't work. While one cop was shining his bright flashlight at me and searching for something that I was pretending to hide in between my legs, the other one was asking Hector for his liscence and registration AND proof of insurance, which he only had 1 out of 3. Meantime, the policeman at the back passenger seat where I was sitting was beginning to get nervous with me because of the fact that I was shifting my hands pretending to hide something that I didn't have, just for the hell of it; caused by the three double shots I had earlier. The policeman began talking to Hector telling him how stupid he was for driving a "bucket" that wasn't insured, registered and that didn't have any seatbelts.

I felt like the typical mexican group of people sitting in a car with no seatbelts, insurance, and no functioning headlights that television sets us out to be; with a driver who was asking to get caught. Yet, the irony of the situation is that Hector is a M.E.CH.A member, fighting for the civil rights of latinos, hispanics, etc. GOOD EXAMPLE you're giving the rest of us wetbacks that are trying to move ahead, you numbskull!

hey, that's mine!

2006-02-01T00:23:22Z

Why are women so goddamn competitive? They want to place their name on everything. I swear it's like a dog peeing on their territory. That biatch!

I'm working at the office today and I noticed that the powerpoint presentation that I made had the other intern's name on it! I'm not the type of person that likes trouble, but WTF ?! I had to go through all the fuss and mental exertion just to finish the damn thing. I hate making generalizations but it f%^&ing happens too often. If that wasn't enough, I can't delete her name from the presentation because of fear of retaliation. Hey, women are the sneakiest people alive! AARRGH! The least she could've done was ask if she could take all the credit.